


Kismet

by QueenKordeilia



Series: The Kismet Universe [1]
Category: Waaris (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2021-01-30 08:03:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21424906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenKordeilia/pseuds/QueenKordeilia
Summary: The Shahni of the Pawaniyas is a quiet and biddable woman, oblivious to the inner workings of her husband and her mother-in-law. That all changes with the arrival of Rajveer Singh, the Delhi man who planned her sister-in-law's wedding seven years ago. Just who is he, and what's with his strange connection to her husband, the Shah of the Pawaniyas?
Relationships: RajPreet
Series: The Kismet Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1547830





	1. Chapter 1

In the seven years that we'd been married, Shah Ji had never once looked at me with any semblance of love. We didn't share a bond, a bed or even a bedroom. Ours was, and always would be, a marriage of convenience. It had all started when Mummy Ji had offered my parents a lump sum of cash in exchange for me, a poor nobody, to marry her son, the Shah of the Pawaniyas. Like most poor people, my parents had wholeheartedly agreed and had given me away in marriage to Shah Ji.

From the very beginning, he had been very distant and cold to me. I still remember the uncomfortable look on his face as he took the seven rounds with me, put sindoor in my parting and tied my mangalsutra around my neck. On our first night together—the only night I'd spent in the same bedroom as him—he'd rather drunkenly told me to go to sleep and had passed out on the bed with his wedding attire still on. The next morning, he'd moved me out of his room and we'd never slept in the same bed again.

After seven years, his behaviour towards me had not changed. The only time he spoke to me was to ask me about how our son, Raman, was getting on in school. Sometimes, I wondered why he couldn't just ask him himself. After all, Raman was his son more than he was mine. You see, to the rest of our village, Raman was Shah Ji's rightful heir, but this was only partly true. The villagers assumed that I was Raman's mother but I was not. Not his biological mother, anyway. Raman was the illegitimate love child of Shah Ji and a woman called Rajji.

A few months into my marriage, Mummy Ji had approached me and told me that I had to pretend to be pregnant. I was told that no one was to know that I was faking, not even Chachi Ji, and that there would be very grave consequences if I failed. I'd been so grateful to my in-laws for making me their bahu that I'd done exactly as Mummy Ji had told me to, without asking a single question. Four months into the 'pregnancy', Shah Ji had left for Delhi for an unknown reason and did not return until my fake delivery date. That day, Mummy Ji had helped me feign labour, forbidding everyone but the midwife and herself from being in the delivery room. The midwife, seemingly an old acquaintance of Mummy Ji, had not been surprised a single bit that I wasn't actually withchild. After a few hours of acting, Gunjan Didi had arrived with a newborn baby—Raman—in tow. She and Shah Ji had smuggled him into the house with ease, apparently dodging Chacha Ji's suspicious questions. It was then that I realised that Shah Ji loved someone else.

After the midwife and Shah Ji had performed the customary gun-shooting tradition, Shah Ji had finally stepped into the room and confirmed my suspicions. Raman, who had already been named prior to his second 'birth', was Shah Ji's son by the person he loved. I'd never loved Shah Ji but I had still been hurt by the fact that he had been having an affair. As if sensing my pain, Shah Ji had sincerely apologised to me and had told me that he could never make me a mother. He had said that it wasn't my fault but that we were all slaves to kismet. After much hesitation, he had told me that he and Raman's mother, Rajji, had gone their separate ways and that I was, for all intents and purposes, Raman's mother. I had soon melted after seeing the way he gazed at his son with teary eyes. After that, it hadn't taken me long to fall in love with baby Raman.

Suddenly, when Raman began to develop into a toddler, Shah Ji had started to distance himself from him. These days, he practically ran away every time Raman wanted to spend time with him. I swear he looked like he was in pain whenever he was near Raman. It hadn't been like this before, back when Raman had been a baby. To this day, I still didn't know why Shah Ji was so indifferent towards his own son. I'd long since made peace with the fact that Shah Ji would never love me or fully accept me as his wife but I couldn't understand what his problem with his own heir was.

"Shah Ji, Raman is doing well," I said.

"Good, good," he replied casually, as he usually did.

"Papa Ji!" Raman shouted, running to Shah Ji and throwing his arms around his torso. Shah Ji nervously patted him, about to say something when an unfamiliar voice rang through the air.

"Arrey, Shah Ji, will I get a hug too?"

I turned around to see a tall and handsome man leaning against the doorframe of the main door, a mischievous smile on his face.

"Raj!" Shah Ji exclaimed, sounding livelier than I had ever heard him sound before. He looked down at Raman, gently saying, "Let me go, puttar."

I was shocked. Puttar. Shah Ji had never addressed Raman as such in the past six years.

Raman complied, coming to stand at my side as Shah Ji practically sprinted to the door and hugged the man standing there. Shah Ji never hugged anyone, not even Raman, but here he was locked in a rather lengthy embrace with a random man.

"What is this?" Mummy Ji demanded, having just walked down the stairs. Shah Ji abruptly pulled away, coughing in a manly way whereas his friend maintained his carefree demeanour.

"Mummy Ji, how are you?" he asked, going over to Mummy Ji and touching her feet. She reluctantly blessed him. "I can still call you that, can't I?" He seemed to look at her in an almost challenging way to which she responded by scowling.

"Like you ever listen to me anyway," she muttered her permission, crossing her arms as Shah Ji's friend stood back up. "Manu, won't you introduce your friend to your wife?"

The friend's smile seemed to vanish for a split second before reappearing.

Shah Ji finally left his spot in the doorway and stood next to his much taller friend. He almost looked like a woman in comparison. "This is my friend, Rajveer Singh. We've been close ever since he planned Didi's wedding."

I raised my eyebrow. They were so close and yet he hadn't been present at our wedding? "I don't believe I saw you at our wedding."

Rajveer suddenly became sullen, sharing what seemed to be a sad look with Shah Ji, before looking back down at me. "Yeah, I wasn't able to attend. Family problems forced me to go back home to Delhi. Otherwise, I would've planned the wedding myself."

I nodded, accepting the answer as Raman spoke up. "Hello, Uncle Ji."

Raj looked down at Raman, seemingly surprised, and knelt down in front of him. "Hello," he responded. "Am I speaking to the future Shah Ji?"

"You are," Raman replied proudly, puffing his chest outwards. "I am Raman Singh Pawaniya."

"Raman, that's a nice name," Rajveer commented with a smile. "Tell me, Junior Shah Ji, who are you most like? Your mummy or your papa?"

"He's absolutely like his papa," Shah Ji spoke up quietly, giving Raman a fond look before slowly moving his gaze to Rajveer.

I frowned. Raman was nothing like Shah Ji. He was naughty and chatty whereas Shah Ji was tragically serious and only spoke when necessary. Raman was also tall for his age which definitely didn't come from Shah Ji. The only thing they did have in common was their pride of being a Pawaniya. They both got that from Mummy Ji as well as Shah Ji's Beeji, as Gunjan Didi once told me.

The atmosphere in the room suddenly became tense and I was sure that even Raman could sense it. Shah Ji and Rajveer were staring at each other while Mummy Ji was watching the both of them through narrowed eyes. I bit my lip, looking between the three of them before loudly clearing my throat.

"I'll go and make us something to eat," I said, thanking God that Chachi Ji was out visiting Gunjan Didi and Aman Jijaji. "Raman, go upstairs and study with your Babli Bua."

"But I want to stay and talk to Uncle Ji!"

"Raman, do as I say!" I ordered firmly, quite used to his disobedience. He finally went upstairs but not before giving me a dirty look.

I hastily tucked myself away in the tiny kitchen, giving the guest, my mother in law and my husband space to carry on their staring contest. Only God knew what was going to happen now...


	2. Chapter 2

Dinner was a much more relaxed affair than lunch, probably because Chacha Ji and his family were present. I was pretty content to eat while listening to the banter between Chacha Ji and Rajveer. Apparently, he had played a part in helping Shah Ji insult Nihaal, future Shah of the Bajwas, many years ago. Chachi Ji also seemed to be very fond of Rajveer, updating him on Gunjan Didi's marital life. Rajveer went on to tease Babli about her upcoming nuptials to which she replied that she was never getting married, much to the dismay of Chacha Ji. Raman was very pleased with Babli's embarrassment, proudly telling Rajveer that he often teased 'Bubbly Bua' in the same way.

Following dinner, I offered to wash the dishes since Chachi Ji had been out all day. She happily accepted, all too eager to go to sleep. One by one, everyone went upstairs to their respective rooms leaving Chacha Ji to lock all the doors and windows.

"I've locked everything. Close the kitchen windows when you're done," he said.

"Yes, Chacha Ji," I replied.

After finishing up, I closed the windows as instructed and then went upstairs. Upon hearing voices somewhere near Shah Ji's room, curiosity got the better of me. I snuck to my room which was right next to his, gently opening the doors and going inside, leaving the doors slightly ajar so that I could hear through the crack.

"What was the need for you to come here?" Mummy Ji hissed. She seemed to be standing outside Shah Ji's room along with Rajveer.

"Arrey, Mummy Ji, the bed in the guest room has bugs all over it so I thought I'd share with Pre—uhh, Manu," he replied.

"Enough of your nonsense!" Mummy Ji snapped. "I meant what are you doing here in this house? What are you up to?"

"I just wanted to see my friend because we haven't seen each other in a long time."

"What about all those meetings in Delhi?"

Meetings in Delhi? As in Shah Ji's 'business' trips?

"Mummy, stop it," Shah Ji spoke tiredly, interrupting the interrogation.

"No, you go and sleep in your wife's room. Only then can Rajveer sleep here."

"What's the problem, Mummy? We're both _men_." The bitter emphasis on the word 'men' surprised me to say the least. 

"Yes, Mummy Ji. Manu's right," Rajveer agreed, his voice sounding just as bitter.

"Raj, go to bed," Shah Ji spoke. After a bit of shuffling, he continued speaking, "Mummy, do I need to remind you? If you hadn't ordered me to do certain things seven years ago, your ladla grandson, Raman, wouldn't be here right now."

"If you keep doing certain things, it won't be long before Raman has a baby brother or sister!"

I covered my mouth and swallowed the gasp that emitted, tears springing to my eyes. Was I to become a stepmother again? Sure, my husband and I didn't love each other but how was it okay for him to have fun behind my back?

"Mummy, please—"

"What will you tell her?"

"—that's enough."

"Well?"

"That's your forte. You've controlled every aspect of my life and I've barely complained but you can't control my feelings. Did you honestly think I would be able to carry out your order without feeling anything? You can't just forget the other parent of your own child! If Raman's going to be a big brother, you will be the one to tell your bahu. That's the least you can do."

"Manu! This is the last time! The heir and the spare but that's it! No more."

"I'm tired, Mummy. Please go to sleep."

I carefully closed my bedroom door, my heart racing as I tried to make sense of what I'd just heard. Falling backwards on to my bed, I wondered why Mummy Ji disliked Rajveer. After all, he had helped Shah Ji humiliate their—HER—mortal enemies, the Bajwas. If anything, she should've liked and respected him. Her reluctance to let them share a room was doubly bizarre. The way they both sounded bitter at being men was also puzzling. Who was I kidding? I wouldn't be able to work this one out. It was too complex. The only conclusion I could come to was an unthinkable one and didn't make much sense anyway. Mummy Ji and Chacha Ji would burn me alive if they knew what was going through my mind.

Growing up in a humble household in a village, I had never heard about 'gay' people until Gunjan Didi—who seemed to know everything—had told me. I had been shocked to find out that two men or two women could be attracted to each other and love each other the way a husband and wife could. Putting Shah Ji and Rajveer in this category didn't seem to fit, though. Shah Ji had a child, after all. Such a relationship with Rajveer didn't make sense, especially when both Mummy Ji and Shah Ji had mentioned the possibility of Raman becoming a big brother. A woman was required for that. Shah Ji was definitely seeing someone, maybe related to Rajveer, who was either Raman's birth mother or someone else entirely.

"Stop it," I said to myself, rubbing my temples. All this thinking was making my head hurt. I certainly hadn't been raised to think, being a poor uneducated girl from the lowest of the low. Maybe Shah Ji's complex love life was the reason why Mummy Ji had chosen a quiet village girl like me to be her daughter in law. Maybe, it was just my kismet.

* * *

The next morning, I went to Raman's room to see that he was playing with Rajveer. I stood in the doorway, watching my son showing his new friend an action figure. I think it was called Batman.

"Gunjan Bua gave me this for my birthday. I asked for Spiderman but this one's okay, I guess."

"Of course, this one can fly," Rajveer commented, gently taking the action figure and making it 'fly'.

"Hey!" Raman yelled, snatching the action figure off of Rajveer. Uh oh. He had no idea how possessive Raman could be. "Mummy told me you have to ask someone before taking something."

My lips curled up involuntarily as I felt my heart bubble with warmth. My boy still valued me, even if he didn't always agree with me. He was already quite a personality, at only six years old.

"Oh, I'm very sorry, Junior Shah Ji," Rajveer apologised, putting his hands up in mock surrender and pretending to be sad.

"It's okay, Uncle Raj," Raman said, reaching up to pat his head. "I forgive you. But you have to ask nicely next time. Okay?"

I put my hand to my mouth in an effort to keep my giggles in but was surprised to hear giggles coming from elsewhere. I turned around to see Shah Ji standing a few inches behind me, trying to hide his laughter in the same way. It was odd. I'd never heard a man giggle. It was quite unexpected coming from Shah Ji. He made eye contact with me before looking away in what looked like embarrassment.

"What happened, Shah Ji? What are you thinking about?" Rajveer asked, walking over to me. "I must say, Parjai, that your son is very stubborn. Just like a certain someone I know."

I was about to open my mouth when Shah Ji pulled Rajveer out of the room, muttering something about knowing exactly who Raman had got his stubborn streak from.

"Papa Ji?" the six year old in question called.

"Yes?" Shah Ji prompted, finally tearing his gaze away from Rajveer to look at our son.

"Is Uncle Raj staying?"

"Do you want him to?"

"Yes, I like him."

Between the glances Rajveer and Shah Ji were sharing, the latter's sudden warmth towards Raman, and Raman's quick attachment to Rajveer, I suddenly felt like an outsider in my own home.

"Well, your Beeji doesn't like me too much," Rajveer told Raman who put his action figure down and hopped over to us.

"Raj!" Shah Ji exclaimed, swatting said man on the arm. Raman watched on cluelessly and I shrugged when he looked at me for an explanation.

Looking past Shah Ji, I could see Babli skipping towards us.

"Here you all are," she chirped happily, beaming at all of us. "Tai Ji is calling all of you."

Shah Ji glared at a grinning Rajveer before leading the way downstairs. When we got downstairs, we were greeted by a heavily pregnant Gunjan Didi, her husband, Aman Pahuja, and their daughter Simran.

"Arrey, Rajveer!" Aman Jijaji cried out, going in for a quick hug. "I haven't seen you since my wedding!"

"Raj?" Gunjan Didi called, looking absolutely dumbstruck. Rajveer jokingly went to touch her feet and she nudged him away. "It's been a long time since all that Delhi drama."

Rajveer laughed somewhat forcefully before nodding. "I can see you've got your own bundle of drama—I mean joy—on the way."

"Yes, please ask your Shah Ji to hurry up and give his new nephew or niece a cousin to play with. Raman and Simi are already best friends; they'll just leave my new child out!"

As if to prove her point, Raman ran over to his six year old cousin who was standing next to her father and tugged her dupatta. "Didi, let's go!" he ordered before dragging her outside.

"Yes, why not?" Chachi Ji asked, teasingly nudging me.

I forced myself to smile and discreetly glanced at Mummy Ji, Shah Ji and Rajveer who were all conversing with their eyes again. I was beginning to become demoralised. If Shah Ji was going to have another child, I would have to act like I was pregnant again for another nine months. Despite this, the trio seemed to think they were the only ones who had the right to discuss it and that keeping me in the dark until they made their decision was okay. They had thought wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

Time passed really quickly and before we knew it, Gunjan Didi and Aman Jijaji had welcomed their first son into the world. Overjoyed by the arrival of their family's heir, the Pahujas threw a big party and, as Gunjan Didi's brother, Shah Ji was invited. He was only too happy to go, eager to meet his new nephew and celebrate his birth.

Since the Pahujas were based in a nearby city, the parties they threw were very different from the ones we had in Gaguwal. For one, it was an unspoken rule that all of the women who were under 35-ish had to wear western dresses as opposed to Asian clothes. I felt terribly embarrassed to be wearing a sleeveless gown without anything like a dupatta to cover me. Gunjan Didi seemed used to the clothes, parading around in an expensive sleeveless gown made of red silk which she had been gifted after the birth of her son. Unlike me, Babli fully embraced the modern look and flirted her way through the throng of boys at the party who were around her age, either oblivious to or intentionally ignoring Chacha Ji's stony glare. There was definitely going to be a storm when the father-daughter duo got home.

Waving off the waiters who were walking around offering alcoholic drinks to all of the guests, I scanned the area for Shah Ji. Having not seen him since we'd arrived at the party, I was beginning to wonder if he was actually at the venue at all.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a familiar figure on the dance floor. Navigating my way around the dancing couples, I drew closer to my target to see that he actually had a petite woman, around my height, in his arms, who was resting her head on his chest. Her long ebony tresses concealed part of her face but I could make out her lips moving. "I... done this... long time," were the only words I could hear due to the loud music and chatter from other couples.

"Rajveer Ji?" I called once I got close enough to him. He didn't seem to hear me but his lady apparently did, proceeding to pinch him on the back.

"Preet!" he exclaimed, releasing her and rubbing his back. "What was that, yaar?"

He then noticed me, scrambling to replace his shocked expression with a smile. His efforts resulted in a grimace. The woman turned her face away from me but gripped his right hand in her left.

"Parjai, are you enjoying the party?" Rajveer asked, the usual grin now present on his face.

"Yes, I was just wondering if you saw Shah Ji, actually."

Quickly glancing in the direction his companion was facing, he seemed to contemplate something before looking back at me. "I think I saw him with Mummy Ji but I'm not sure," he finally answered.

Think? Either he had or he hadn't. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to remember where I'd last seen Mummy Ji when Rajveer suddenly sighed. I looked up, following his gaze to see a sari-clad middle-aged woman standing next to 'Preet'.

"Arrey, Preet, you're here?" she asked, placing a hand on the younger woman's bare arm.

"Mummy, I—" Rajveer began, only to be cut off.

"Quiet. I told you not to make her dance too much," she scolded before giving Preet a sympathetic look. "She already doesn't feel too well and you..."

"Mummy, this is one of the _slow_ dances," he protested but she seemed to ignore him.

"Come with me, beta, you look faint," Rajveer's mother(?) said, leading Preet off the dance floor.

"Your mummy?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied, not taking his eyes off the retreating figures. "Sorry, Parjai, I should probably follow them."

I nodded, walking off in the other direction. So, Rajveer had a girlfriend or wife called Preet? Sister would be pushing it, given the intimate way they were holding each other. I raised my eyebrow as something dawned on me. Preet had not spoken a single word after I'd approached Rajveer and hadn't even spared me a glance. She seemed very shy which was amusing because from what I knew, Rajveer was the total opposite. How did the girl cope with the constant chatter? He probably didn't stop flirting with her either.

Anyway, why was I even thinking about this? I was just supposed to be looking for Shah Ji.

Finally locating Mummy Ji, I sighed in relief and walked over to her. She was standing to the side, furiously whispering something to Chacha Ji. I caught some snippets of the conversation. Huh, that seemed to be all that I was doing these days.

"I'm telling you, I saw her!" Chacha Ji said, his voice rising above a whisper.

"Shh!" Mummy Ji hissed. "Why would she be here? Aman's parents don't like the Bajwas. Besides, they've never even met her!"

"I don't know why or how but I did see her. One second she was on the dance floor, the next second she was gone."

"Jagan, do you still have a thing for her after all these years? You tried to assault her! If I hadn't stopped you, God knows what you would have done! Arrey, stop chasing the Bajwa women! First Swaroop, then Amrit, then Mohini and now Amrit again? Focus on Raavi!"

"Parjai! You—" Chacha Ji stopped, finally noticing me standing behind Mummy Ji. "Lo, your bahu's here. I might as well go and find Raavi. That daughter of hers is getting out of control."

Chacha Ji stalked off towards Chachi Ji while Mummy Ji turned around to look at me, wearing her usual expression of calm.

"Haan, Bahu? You wanted to say something?" she prompted, crossing her arms as she sat down on a nearby chair.

I followed, going to stand in front of her. "Mummy Ji, I was wondering if you'd seen Shah Ji?"

"Have you asked Sukkhi? He's probably with him."

Oh no, now I had to find Jeth Ji too.

* * *

After the long and arduous party, Shah Ji had randomly shown up and driven us all back home. He had looked terribly dishevelled and pale, making me wonder if he'd spent the whole party in the men's toilets. That was the only place I hadn't checked, for obvious reasons, and it made much more sense than him vanishing for no good reason.

The sound of retching coming from next door a couple of hours later had woken me up and that was how I found myself sitting up in my bed, contemplating whether or not to go and check up on Shah Ji. Someone had apparently beaten me to it, mercilessly banging on the door of the bedroom next to my own. I took my phone off the nightstand, rubbing my bleary eyes before checking the time. It was 3 a.m. and yet this person didn't seem to care that they were probably going to wake the whole household up.

After much internal debate regarding morals and ethics, I reluctantly pressed my ear against the wall to hear two loud yet easily recognisable muffled voices. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make out a single word. What I could hear, though, was crying. That meant that the uncontrollable sobs were either coming from Shah Ji or Mummy Ji. Both options just baffled me. I had seen Shah Ji look teary eyed once or twice back when Raman had been a newborn, yes, but I'd never seen him actually cry let alone sob. On the other hand, Mummy Ji's eyes only ever moistened out of anger, never sorrow. I shook my head.

Ever since Rajveer's debut in my life, strange things just kept happening. Despite having gone back to Delhi last month, the after effects of his one week stay, namely the tension between my mother in law and husband, still remained. In fact, it had actually intensified. The rest of the family seemed to be blissfully ignorant of what was happening right under their noses but I caught every single thinly veiled glare and jibe the mother-son duo threw at one another.

The sobbing and shouting finally ceased and I pushed myself away from the wall, noting that it was now 3.50 a.m. thanks to a quick glance at my mobile phone. I laid down on my bed, staring straight up at the ceiling as I thought about the tumultuous relationship between Mummy Ji and Shah Ji.

When were things going to go back to normal?

* * *

The next morning, I woke up to rattling on my door. Fixing my hair and throwing a shawl over myself, I reached up to unlock the door. Before I could even reach for the door handles, the doors were thrown open. Luckily, I moved back quickly enough to avoid getting hit in the face. Mummy Ji strode in, looking me up and down before closing the door behind her.

"Mummy Ji...?" I trailed off as she locked the door, getting a sense of deja vu. She spun around, her gaze terrifyingly calculating as she walked up to me.

"I heard you throwing up last night," she said as she crossed her arms. I regarded her in confusion, trying to figure out where she was going with this when she asked, "Do you have some good news to give me?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Do you have some good news to give me?"

Oh, so that's what she was up to. The child Shah Ji and Mummy Ji had discussed last month was now in its mother's womb and now my forever empty womb was required as a cover.

It was now or never. If I didn't stand up to Mummy Ji today, I would forever be dancing to her tunes like Shah Ji clearly was.

"I didn't vomit last night or any night, Mummy Ji," I said calmly, betraying my racing heart. I clenched and unclenched my fists, trying not to break under her gaze. "I think you're mistaken."

Mummy Ji's eyes widened for a brief second before she narrowed them again, subjecting me to the same cold glare she often gave her son. "Bahu, I know it's a shock when you find out you're going to be a mother again after a long break," she told me, placing her hands on my shoulders and forcing me to sit down on my bed. "I felt the same when I found out I was expecting Manu. My eldest daughter was six just like Raman is now."

I felt my resolve start to crumble as I realised she had the upper hand. If I told everyone I wasn't pregnant, things would backfire badly. Society would label me barren and cursed. No one would point fingers at Shah Ji for my childlessness because he was the man in the relationship. Moreover, he already had a son whereas I had no biological children. People would even accept his affairs, thinking he had been forced to go to another woman because I couldn't give him an heir. I would become the one at fault and no one would believe that the reason I didn't get pregnant was because I was still a virgin. Such was one of the shortcomings of being a woman—a village woman—and Mummy Ji knew it well. After all, she must have suffered a lot for having two daughters before having a son.

"You're right, Mummy Ji," I managed to force out, helpless in the face of my kismet. "It's just really unexpected."

"Don't worry," she said, patting me on the shoulder. "Just act the same way you did last time and I'll help you just like I did before."

Given the circumstances, Mummy Ji's words sounded more threatening than comforting but I nodded nonetheless. "How far along am I?" I questioned, wanting to know exactly when Shah Ji had gone behind my back this time.

"Let's say just over a month," she answered, looking quite pleased with herself. I had forgotten that she could smile. "Stay in your room today. You're not well."

"Haan, Mummy Ji." I laid down on my bed and got under the covers before she unlocked the door.

"Arrey, Raavi!" she yelled, stepping out of my room. "Get some sweets out, I've got great news..." Her voice faded out, leaving me to my thoughts.

So what if I couldn't question Mummy Ji about this new child? I could definitely ask Shah Ji for an explanation. After all, he owed me for accepting not one but two illegitimate stepchildren.

* * *

The next day, I discovered that Shah Ji had also spent the whole of yesterday in bed because he had food poisoning. Chacha Ji was pretty annoyed, accusing the Pahujas of serving bad food. Chachi Ji had calmed him down, telling him that it was probably something else Shah Ji had eaten before the party.

I was currently sat in the living area, doing some embroidery with Chachi Ji. Mummy Ji was sitting on the 'Mother Shah Ji' swing with Raman, listening as he spoke about his achievements at school.

"Parjai, I'm sad," Chachi Ji said, putting her embroidery hoop down.

"Why?" Mummy Ji asked as I also stopped sewing.

"You're a nani and a dadi but I don't have any grandchildren yet. I know I'm still young"—she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear—"but I want a grandchild."

Mummy Ji chuckled and shook her head. "Arrey, you have to get your children married first. I don't know what you and Jagan are waiting for. Even that drunkard Rohan and his idiot sister are both married," she said, referring to Harjeet Bajwa's children.

All three of them were married, the last Bajwa wedding having been about five years ago, and Mohini Bajwa always liked to brag that her son, Nihaal, was married to a high caste girl, unlike Shah Ji who was married to a 'lowly girl' like me.

"You know what Babli's like."

"Forget Babli, she's not even eighteen yet but Sukkhi's twenty-seven." I was only seventeen when I married Shah Ji, I thought grimly. "I know I got Manu married early but he's going to be a father of two by twenty-seven."

"I know," Chachi Ji agreed, patting my stomach. I felt awkward and got back to sewing. "I'll talk to Sukkhi's father today."

I frowned, hoping I wasn't going to be walking around with a pillow under my blouse/sari at Jeth Ji's wedding. Speaking of my fake pregnancy, I really had to get Shah Ji alone and confront him about his new love child.

* * *

After days of always being out doing his 'Shahly duties', I managed to sneak into Shah Ji's room on one of his 'sick' days. Surprisingly, he wasn't bedridden like I expected him to be but he had his back turned to me, standing in front of the door to the balcony.

"You're crazy," he suddenly said. I froze, thinking he was speaking to me when I realised he was on his phone. "Well then what are you?... You think I like the idea of my child being snatched off his or her own mother? You don't know how much it kills me to watch my own child call somebody else his mother when his real mother is just under his nose!... Just because it's been seven years, doesn't mean anything's changed... Arrey, how do I make you understand? Mummy told me it'll be the same as last time... Yes, exactly the same... No, I haven't told Didi yet... No, she would've called me if had Mummy told her... I don't want to talk about this over the phone... We'll meet in Delhi, okay? Bye."

Shah Ji dropped his phone into the pocket of his leather jacket, turning around and walking towards the door. He then looked up, stopping short when he saw me.

"When did you get here?" he asked, nervously tugging at his sleeves.

"When you were talking on the phone, Shah Ji," I answered honestly. His eyes widened and he gulped before nodding.

"Who was it?"

"No one," he replied, his eyes darting between myself and the door. I blinked, looking between him and the door before closing and locking it.

"It obviously wasn't no one, Shah Ji," I countered softly, leaning against his bedpost. "But I won't ask." I looked up, staring him straight in the eyes before speaking again. "Shah Ji, I've never complained about your cold behaviour towards me or the fact that you refuse to accept me as your wife but don't you think you at least owe me an explanation as to why I have to pretend once more? You told me that you and Raman's birth mother parted ways. So how? Or is it someone else this time?"

"No, there's only one person for me and it's Raj... Ji," he answered, his eyes glazing over. "Rajji..."

"Rajji?" I repeated, recalling the last time I heard the name. It had been six years since then. "I thought you two went your separate ways."

"And we did," Shah Ji said, sighing deeply. "But kismet made us run into one another again."

"She's the one you were talking to on the phone?" I questioned, tears of frustration coming to my eyes.

How could he do this to me again? I wasn't naive. I knew two people had to do more than just run into each other to make a baby. According to Mummy Ji, this had all happened around the time of Rajveer's stay. He was no doubt Shah Ji's biggest supporter in all of this.

"How could you do this to me, Shah Ji? Before acting, you should've at least thought about how it would affect me. Someone else may actually be carrying your child but I'm the one who has to pretend for months on end. I even have to hide the truth from most of the members of this family!"

"Forgive me," Shah Ji said, folding his hands together. I was shocked to see that there were tears of guilt in his eyes. "You're absolutely right. I could've prevented this from happening but all it takes is a moment of weakness and that's what happened to me. I'm your culprit. I'm the reason you can't be happy. The first time, Mummy ordered me to do it but this time, it was just me being selfish!"

"Mummy Ji ordered you?" I asked, feeling even more betrayed. Why did my own mother in law order my husband to have an illegitimate child? "Why?"

Shah Ji looked at me like a child who was caught stealing candy. He obviously hadn't intended to let the truth out. "I—I can't tell you..." he stammered, unfolding his hands and averting his gaze.

"Shah Ji, you asked me for forgiveness yet you're still keeping things from me?" I then stopped as something hit me. "Wait a minute, is it because I'm from a lower caste family?" He immediately looked at me and frantically shook his head. "Why didn't Mummy Ji just marry you to Rajji instead?"

"It's not like that at all," Shah Ji spoke up. "I honestly can't tell you my reasons. I just can't. Please just forget it. You love Raman, don't you?"

"With all my heart," I answered in an instant. "He's like my own son. No... He _is_ my son."

"Well, just think of this whole thing as if it's Raman all over again."

"But how can Rajji just give her children up like this? They're the symbols of your love."

Shah Ji's eyes glossed over and he chuckled mirthlessly. "She's got no choice. Why else would she let my child be snatched off her?"


	5. Chapter 5

Following my confrontation with Shah Ji, I found myself feeling numb and subdued. I had long since known that this marriage was always going to be loveless, from both sides, but it felt so strange to know that despite being the wife, I was the other woman. Like Diana, Charles and Camilla, there were three people in my marriage. I felt grim; everyone knew how that story ended.

I went downstairs upon hearing Chacha Ji's loud yelling. Who was he having a go at this time?

"Where did you get this from?" he demanded, standing in front of Babli and dangling a locket in front of her face. Chachi Ji stood by, clearly looking worried.

"Papa Ji, I... umm..." Babli stuttered, nervously wringing her wrists.

"I definitely didn't buy this for you and I haven't given your mother money to spend on stuff like this so who gave it to you?!"

"When do you ever buy things for me anyway, Papa Ji? You've always ignored my existence!"

"Shameless girl! You're the one who's made a mistake here and you're blaming things on me?!"

Oh dear. Chacha Ji always complained that he didn't have a child like him but she was already standing in front of him. I had watched Babli grow from a ten year old into a seventeen year old and she was pretty much a female version of her father. Where Jeth Ji was a clueless simpleton like Chachi Ji, Babli was fiery and stubborn like Chacha Ji.

"Children end up like their parents. I am Babli Pawaniya. Whatever I am, however I am, it's all down to you!"

"Babli, be quiet!" Chachi Ji pleaded, trembling where she stood.

"I'll teach your daughter a lesson today!" Chacha Ji snarled, raising his hand to hit Babli when Shah Ji stepped in between. Chachi Ji shrieked as Shah Ji fell on the ground, painfully landing on his hip. He groaned, clutching his stomach in pain as Chacha Ji looked down in shock.

"Ji, what have you done? They're just children!" Chachi Ji wailed, rushing over to help Shah Ji up.

Chacha Ji looked angry again and said, "What was the need for you to get in between, Manu? She's my daughter!"

"Lo, at least you finally admitted it," Shah Ji wheezed, his face ashen. "I gave the locket to Babli."

One look at Babli's face told me that this was a noble lie on Shah Ji's part to protect his little cousin.

"Why didn't she just tell me that then?"

"Did you give her the chance? All I heard was shouting..."

"Babli, go up to your room," Chachi Ji ordered.

"But Manu Veer Ji?" Babli asked.

"I'll be fine, chutki," Shah Ji assured, momentarily removing his hand from his abdomen to wave her off. He apparently regretted that choice, quickly clutching his side once again. Babli winced but slowly made her way upstairs nonetheless.

Chachi Ji then looked over at me from Shah Ji's other side. "You take Manu upstairs, I'll bring something icy to soothe the pain," she instructed.

Shah Ji's head snapped towards her so quickly that I feared he would get whiplash. "No need, Chachi," he protested weakly and I could tell he was trying not to lean on me. "I'll manage."

"Arrey, Manu, what are you saying?" she asked, regarding Shah Ji in surprise. "Don't be stubborn like your chacha and let your wife look after you."

Chacha Ji shot Chachi Ji a dirty look whereas Shah Ji opened and closed his mouth like a fish but no words came out. Letting out a defeated sigh, he nudged me and I took the hint, turning him around and helping him up the stairs.

* * *

Once we reached his room, he desperately hobbled over to his nightstand and reached for his mobile phone. I raised an eyebrow at his urgency.

"Shah Ji, what are you doing?" I implored, standing in the middle of the room as I watched him frantically tap on his phone.

He didn't answer me, placing his mobile against his ear instead.

"Haan, Mummy, you need to get home now!... I fell down... It's a long story but I need you here!... You know you're the only one who can help me!" he spoke, choking on his words as tears rolled down his cheeks.

I couldn't believe my own eyes. My husband was having a mental breakdown right in front of me. The same man who had dismissed much worse injuries with barely a grunt was crying over a minor fall. It was surreal. Did it really hurt that much?

"I've got the ice pack!" I heard Chachi Ji calling, the volume of her voice indicating that she was close. Oh no. If she saw this, things would only get worse.

I stepped outside the room, spotting her a few feet away from the door. Before she could say anything, I snatched the ice pack off her and swiftly ran back into the room, quickly closing the door and locking it.

Turning around, I saw that Shah Ji was now sitting on the bed but still begging Mummy Ji to help him.

"Shah Ji, lift up your shirt," I instructed, sitting down next to him. He suddenly recoiled, hissing in pain as he backed up against the headboard.

"Stay away!" he exclaimed hoarsely. I tried not to cry at his apparent disgust towards me as he put his phone down.

"Shah Ji, I'm your wife..." I said softly. "Let me do this."

"You're not my wife," he replied in a broken voice, shaking his head. "You're not..."

Enough was enough. Rajji may have been the woman he loved but I was his lawfully wedded wife. He couldn't deny that.

"But I am!" I snapped, about to reach for his shirt when there was a knock on the door.

"Manu!" Mummy Ji called from the other side.

I reigned in my irritation, casting a glance towards Shah Ji before getting up to open the door. Mummy Ji looked a little shocked to see me but quickly rushed to her son's side upon hearing him call out for her.

"I'm scared," he told her, sounding like a little boy rather than a grown man with a second child on the way.

"You're lucky I was already on the way home when you called," Mummy Ji stated before turning to address me, "Bahu, I need you to leave the room."

"What?" I blurted out, without really thinking. "Why?"

"You sure ask a lot of questions these days," she muttered, glaring daggers at me. "You have to leave the room because I'm telling you to. It's as simple as that."

"Just leave!" Shah Ji choked out impatiently.

Seeing how clearly unwanted I was, I left the room without another word. It seemed that Shah Ji didn't even trust me to see his wounds. I had thought that we could at least be friends but what was I thinking? If seven years wasn't a long enough time for us to at least trust each other then how was friendship even possible?

* * *

When it was time for dinner, I firmly refused to attend despite Chachi Ji's numerous requests. I had apologised profusely, feigning fatigue due to my 'tiresome' pregnancy. My real reason for not joining everyone for dinner had, of course, been because I had no desire to see Shah Ji and Mummy Ji. I was still nursing my emotional wounds from being excluded by the mother-son pair when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I called, propping a pillow up against the headboard and leaning on it.

The door opened to reveal Babli who was holding a tray of food. She gave me an uncharacteristically demure smile and set the tray down onto my lap.

"You could've told a servant to bring me the food," I said, tearing off a piece of roti and dipping it into some dahl. "You didn't have to do it yourself."

"I wanted to, Parjai," she answered sombrely, sitting next to me on the edge of my bed.

Her strange behaviour made me forget my own pain and I had to ask, "What's wrong, Babli? You don't seem like yourself."

"Parjai, Papa Ji acknowledged me as his daughter for the first time today but it wasn't in the way I would've liked it to be," she answered as I ate my food. Poor Babli. She never got Chacha Ji's love because she was a girl.

I swallowed the piece of roti in my mouth before saying, "I see. Well, look at this way. At least you're still alive. My father would've done far worse than slapping me for talking back."

"I'm only here because of Manu Veer Ji. Sukkhi Veer Ji told me that Papa Ji was going to get rid of Mummy and marry someone else because she didn't abort me when he told her to. Manu Veer Ji was the one who stopped him." I nodded. It made sense. Shah Ji loved Babli enough to take a blow that was meant for her. "By the way, Parjai, are you okay?"

"Me?" I asked, suddenly remembering that I was supposed to be indisposed. "Oh, yes, I'm fine. It's just a little bit of tiredness, that's all."

"So the baby's okay?"

I frowned, a little confused by the question. "Yes, why?"

She appeared to hesitate a little before saying, "Well, when I was coming up here to give you your food, Tai Ji also did the same for Manu Veer Ji. I had to turn around because I forgot the dahl and when I walked past Veer Ji's room, I heard him asking Tai Ji if his baby was going to be okay."

"What did he say exactly?" I asked curiously.

"'What if something happens to my child?' and 'is my child really okay?'," she narrated offhandedly. "Just things like that really. He sounded really upset. It made me think that maybe you were facing problems."

I sighed and shook my head. What new game was Shah Ji playing now?


	6. Chapter 6

The more I discovered about Shah Ji, the less I understood. Upon seeing Rajveer's effect on Shah Ji (and Raman), I had briefly entertained the thought of the two of them being in a gay relationship. After witnessing how Rajveer's mother treated the lady I saw him dancing with at the Pahujas' party, I was pretty sure he was in a serious relationship with her. When I confronted Shah Ji about his unborn child, he confessed that he was seeing Rajji again. Since they were both in love with women, it meant that Raj and Shah Ji were definitely not gay but then what about the relationship between the two of them? If there was one good thing that had come out of Rajveer's stay, it was the fact that Shah Ji actually spent time with Raman now. Such a great influence in a relatively short time indicated that the two men were more than friends yet it was impossible that they were lovers. I couldn't decipher it at all.

Shah Ji's apparent concern for his unborn child was another mystery. For the past four weeks, I had expected Mummy Ji to come and tell me that I could stop pretending to be pregnant but no such thing happened. I had been sure that his mental breakdown was in some way linked to his paranoid questions to Mummy Ji regarding his unborn child (overheard by Babli), and that Rajji had suffered a miscarriage but it seemed that this was not so.

Thinking clearly wasn't for the likes of me.

"I feel like eating something sour," I lied, taking a glimpse at Mummy Ji who was sat at the head of the table.

She shot me a look of approval, subtly gesturing for me to continue.

I turned to my husband who was sat at the other head, right next to me. "Shah Ji, will you please get me some pickles?"

He lit up at the mention of pickles as if he was the one with the cravings, a smile making its way onto his face.

"Of course!" he chimed happily, ruffling Raman's hair before standing up. "I'll get them right away!"

As his father left the table, my son looked at me from across the table, an expression of confusion on his face.

"Why is Papa so happy?" he questioned. "And why do you suddenly want pickles?"

"I don't know about your papa but your little brother or sister really wants pickles," I replied, grinning as his eyes brightened in understanding.

"Will it be a boy or a girl?" he asked.

"A boy," Mummy Ji responded.

My grin vanished as Chacha Ji muttered something about girls being useless. What was going to happen if the baby turned out to be a girl?

"I think it'll be a girl," Babli piped up, exchanging a glance with her father who awkwardly cleared his throat.

"But I want a brother, Bubbly."

"Bua," Chacha Ji added. "Speak respectfully."

"Ji, Darji," Raman responded before turning to Jeth Ji who was stuffing his face with food as per usual. "Taya Ji, what do you think?"

Jeth Ji's eyes flit towards Chacha Ji for a second before he said, "Boy."

Raman turned to me once more. "Mummy?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I just want a healthy baby."

* * *

After Shah Ji finally got back home, he placed a massive jar of pickles on the table as well as bags of other things I would've actually liked to eat. Unfortunately, Chachi Ji began to shift those bags to the kitchen to store their contents away.

Aware of the seven pairs of eyes staring right at me, I mentally prepared myself as I washed my hands before opening the jar and fishing a pickle out. Damn. Why pickles? I should've feigned aversion towards pickles rather than cravings. Forcing the pickle into my mouth, I tried not to look disgusted as I chewed and swallowed.

"Mmm," I hummed, putting on the fakest smile ever.

Chachi Ji walked in from the kitchen, shooting me a knowing look. I wondered what she thought was going through my mind because all I knew was that I didn't like pickles at all. Mummy Ji smiled, her eyes never leaving me as she spoke to Chacha Ji about some land business.

Knowing I had to keep the act up, I reached down into the jar for more pickles when I noticed another hand in the jar. Peering up, I spotted Shah Ji standing next to me and retracted my hand. He then eyed me cautiously before pulling a pickle out of the jar and popping it into his mouth. His eyes widened in what looked like satisfaction as he swallowed it before he glanced my way once more. Despite my confusion, I raised my hands in surrender and sat back. Instantly snatching the jar, Shah Ji sat across from me and pulled the jar to his side of the table. I watched in mild shock as he began to devour the pickles like there was no tomorrow.

Turning to look at Mummy Ji, I could see that she appeared to be more worried than surprised. For reasons unknown to me, she shot Shah Ji a somewhat warning look but he ignored her, continuing to scoff the pickles down.

I had to say that this behaviour of his alarmed me more than his mental breakdown last month did.

"Arrey, Manu, you bought the pickles for your wife but you're eating all of them without even sharing," Chachi Ji commented, clearly amused.

"You don't even like pickles," Jeth Ji added as he walked into the kitchen.

Shah Ji suddenly stopped eating, his eyes darting between all of the family members in the room as he clumsily put the lid on the jar and pushed it towards me.

"Uhh, I was just tasting to see if my preferences have changed," he explained himself as he rose from his chair. I covered my mouth with my hand, smirking at his lame excuse as I heard the tap turn on.

Shah Ji reappeared in the dining/living area, standing in the centre of the room and clearing his throat.

"Everyone, I'm going to Delhi next week," he announced cheerily, his cheeks literally about to burst from happiness. "I'll be there for about six months."

"Six months?" Chacha Ji repeated incredulously. "For what?"

Six months. The exact amount of time left until my due date, or rather, Rajji's due date.

"You remember the land I purchased down there seven years ago?" Shah Ji questioned. Chacha Ji nodded. "Well, I've got a project going on down there."

"But six months?" Chachi Ji asked. "You almost missed your child's birth the last time you did something like that."

Of course. That was exactly what he was trying to avoid; he wanted to be present for his child's birth. What kind of love was this that meant he was abandoning his duties for half a year just to be by his pregnant mistress' side? Not anything he felt for me, that was for sure.

"Let him go, Chachi Ji," I spoke up, looking pointedly at my husband. "He'll definitely be present for his child's birth."

Shah Ji gave me the usual guilty look he had been sporting ever since I confronted him before tearing his gaze away from me.

"That's right," he said before turning to Mummy. Now it was his turn to give her a pointed look. "Hai na, Mummy?"

"Of course," Mummy replied, raising a brow at Shah Ji before getting back to business.

That was it. The mother-son duo got what they wanted and I was left to carry out the difficult task of faking a pregnancy. Some kismet God gave me...

* * *

"Bahu!" Mummy Ji's voice rang throughout the house on a Sunday morning.

I pouted, draping my sari carefully so that it covered the stuffing under my blouse and petticoat.

"Ji, Mummy Ji!" I shouted in response, exiting my room and going down the stairs.

I just hoped that the stuffing would stay secure under my sari, especially since I was going somewhere where I was going to be surrounded by many women who were actually pregnant.

The second trimester was always the hardest because I had to gradually grow my bump by adding whatever I could find to the stuff that was already there.

Before I knew it, we arrived at our destination. Mummy Ji roused me out of my thoughts when she ordered me to get off the jeep. I stepped down with care, looking around to see pregnant women left, right and centre. Some older women were also present with the pregnant ladies, most likely their mothers-in-law.

I silently followed Mummy Ji to the temple where we prayed and sought blessings for my 'baby'. I turned around, about to leave when Mummy Ji suddenly stopped, staring at the person in front of her. I inched a little to the left and was surprised to see Rajveer's mother standing in front of us. She had with her two pregnant women, one of whom had her face covered with a veil, and was looking straight back at Mummy Ji.

"Amba, it's been a long time," she said, her facial expression neutral. Her gaze lingered on my face when she glanced at me and I wondered if she remembered me from the party. "Your bahu?"

"The Shahni of the Pawaniyas," Mummy Ji replied before giving the two other women once-overs, doing a double take at the veiled one. "Your bahu?"

"Yes. Since both bahus are expecting, I thought to bring my younger bahu here from Delhi so that they could seek blessings together."

My eyes widened when I recognised one of the women as Rohan Bajwa's wife. My gaze travelled towards the veiled bahu. This one had to be Preet, Rajveer's wife. Or rather, Raj Bajwa's wife.

I mentally slapped myself.

Of course. Everyone in the pind knew about Shah Ji's childhood friendship with Raj Bajwa. How did I not notice this before? This was obviously the reason why Rajveer had such a great influence on my husband and probably also why Mummy Ji didn't like him much.

"Come on, let's go," Mummy Ji muttered, turning away from Rajveer's mother. I nodded, walking down the temple steps with my mother in law as I wondered whose sindoor Rajveer's mother was wearing.

"Arrey, Preet, be careful!" I heard the woman in question exclaim as Mummy Ji suddenly halted.

"Preet?" she repeated, a mixture of horror and confusion on her face.

I merely watched as she turned around and ran back into the temple, heading straight for Preet.


	7. Chapter 7

I patiently sat outside the hospital room as the doctor checked over Mummy Ji, recalling the events over the last thirty minutes or so. Everything had happened so quickly. One second Mummy Ji had pulled Preet's veil up to catch a glimpse of her face and the next, she was out cold on the temple floor. I had then ordered our driver to take us to the nearest hospital and called Chachi Ji up to let her know what happened.

"You won't go in there, understand?" I heard Chacha Ji yelling from the other side of the corridor. I looked up to see him walking towards me with Rajveer's mother hot on his heels.

"My bahu wants to talk to Amba," she informed, casting a glance towards her bahu who was following closely behind.

"Tell your bahu to stay away!"

"Have mercy on her. She's expecting a child just like your family's bahu is."

Despite her pregnant frame, the bahu overtook her mother in law and Chacha Ji, pushing past the doctor as he exited the hospital room Mummy Ji was in. As the doctor raised his eyebrow at the push, I wondered how Rajveer's wife knew which room was the correct one.

"Your mother in law is fine, it was just a little bit of high blood pressure," the doctor told me while Chacha Ji and Rajveer's mother continued to squabble. He then turned to them. "Excuse me, this is a hospital, not a market. Please quieten down."

"Hey, do you know who I am?!" Chacha Ji shouted, shooting the doctor a scathing look.

"Doctor, we're from the nearby pind of Gaguwal," I spoke up before Chacha Ji could start getting physical. "I don't know if you've heard of us but we're Pawaniyas and this Auntie Ji is a Bajwa. These skirmishes happen daily because we're sworn enemies."

"These family enmities don't get you anywhere but jail or hospital," the doctor said wearily. I had to agree, recalling a number of times Shah Ji had Rohan and Nihaal Bajwa either thrown into jail or sent to hospital with severe injuries. The Bajwas had also harmed Shah Ji many times as well but he'd always managed to bounce back. "I'm sure your mother in law's blood pressure rose for the same reason."

Chacha Ji tried to go into the hospital room but was stopped by the doctor. "Only one visitor at a time."

"There's no one there though," Chacha Ji argued vehemently.

"Sir, your daughter or daughter in law went inside just now." I suddenly remembered that Preet had snuck into the hospital room.

"What? My daughter is at home and I don't have a daughter in law!"

Taking advantage of the fight between the doctor, Chacha Ji and now Rajveer's mother, I gently pushed the door to room 101 open and slipped inside. Mummy Ji was lying unconscious on the bed while Preet was sitting next to her on the edge of the bed with her back turned to me.

"I'm sorry," she apologised softly. "I never intended for this to get out."

"What got out?" I asked. I saw Preet tense up and pull her veil down to cover her face before turning to face me.

"Shahni Ji," she greeted.

"Mrs Preet Raj Bajwa," I responded. Since her face was covered, I had no way of knowing but I had a feeling she was pretty shocked that I knew her name. "You didn't answer my question."

"Listen, it's between me and... Auntie Ji," Preet said firmly as she stood up.

"She's my Mummy Ji," I stated, crossing my arms. "I think I have a right to know exactly what it was that you did to land her in hospital."

"I—I didn't do a—anything," she stuttered, clenching her fists. I noticed her shifty behaviour and wondered what it was about.

Mummy Ji had fainted upon seeing this girl's face. Moreover, the reason she had rushed back into the temple had been because she apparently recognised Preet's name. Just how? She didn't seem to know her before given the fact that she had asked Rajveer's mother about her. Preet was probably living in Delhi from before she married Raj, maybe she was born and raised there, so how could she and Mummy Ji know one another?

I began to step closer to Preet and she began to back away at the same pace. "Strange. Mummy Ji didn't recognise you with the ghunghat over your face but as soon as she heard your name, she suddenly knew you. She knows you as someone other than Mrs Raj Bajwa, doesn't she? Who are you?"

Preet was visibly shaking and ended up with her back against the wall. Why was a city girl covering her face anyway? Delhi girls were supposed to be modern.

"Don't!" she exclaimed as I reached up for her veil.

To my dismay, that was the exact moment that the door to the room opened. Momentarily distracted by the appearance of the doctor, Chacha Ji and Preet's mother in law, I allowed Preet to slip past me and run to the latter.

"Mummy Ji," she called, grabbing the older woman's hand. "Let's go!"

"Good riddance!" Chacha Ji yelled as they left the room.

"I can't have two of you in here," the doctor said, gesturing between myself and Chacha Ji. "One of you must leave."

"I'll go," I volunteered. The doctor nodded and led me out of the room.

* * *

Mummy Ji was soon discharged from the hospital during which the doctor had advised her not to fight with the Bajwas and cause herself unnecessary stress. I knew the truth though. I had noticed that Mummy Ji didn't seem to hate the Bajwa women, Mohini Bajwa and her bahu notwithstanding, as much as she did the men so there was no question of their appearance causing her stress. The cause of her collapse had been Preet and ONLY Preet.

Upon bringing some food to Mummy Ji's bedroom, I found that Raman was already there at the foot of the bed, crying his eyes out. I quickly abandoned the tray on the nearby coffee table before rushing to my son's side.

"Raman, what's wrong?" I asked, wiping his tears away.

"Beeji won't talk to me," he replied in a hoarse voice. I pulled him into a hug, stroking his back as he said, "She hates me..."

"Why would your beeji hate you?" I implored, pulling back to see his red, tear stricken face.

The sight of my son in such a state broke my heart, even more so than Shah Ji's distrust in me. I had to find out what Mummy Ji did to make him so sad in the first place. "Babli!" I called, knowing she was studying in the next room.

"Ji, Parjai?" she answered, popping her head round the door after a few seconds.

"I think your nephew needs his Bubbly Bua," I answered, gently pushing Raman in her direction. She took the hint and lovingly guided him out of the room.

After closing and locking the doors, I retrieved the food tray I had set aside earlier and looked at Mummy Ji. It wasn't like her to hurt Raman and then just let him cry. What was going on?

"Mummy Ji, eat something," I urged, placing the tray of food on her lap. She just sat there, leaning against the headboard and staring into space. I frowned at her despondent state. She couldn't just get away with making my son—her own grandson—cry. "Mummy Ji, what did you say to my brave son that made him burst into tears?" I interrogated, speaking as a mother rather than a daughter in law. She flinched but didn't speak. "Mummy Ji, this is the future Shah I'm talking about. Your son's waaris. Why is he so upset?"

I was about to press further when Mummy Ji muttered something inaudible.

"What?" I asked.

"He can't be the Shah of the Pawaniyas," she said, her tone of voice dangerously venomous. "Not with that filthy blood flowing through his veins."

"Mummy Ji!" I exclaimed, taking the comment personally before remembering that Raman was not my biological son. Sometimes, I forgot that fact. If not my blood, then Mummy Ji had to be referring to Rajji's. "Lowborn blood, Mummy Ji?" I pried, wondering if Rajji was lowborn. Even if she was, why did Mummy Ji suddenly care about it now? "It never bothered you before..."

"I didn't know until now," she answered, her voice barely above a whisper.

"You didn't know Rajji was lowborn until now?" I asked, utterly confused. How did she even find out about Rajji's bloodline by looking at Preet? It didn't make sense.

"Which Rajji?" Mummy Ji questioned flatly. "I'm talking about that Rajveer. Or rather, Raj Bajwa..."

"Raj Bajwa?" I repeated slowly. Now there was another topic that just popped up out of nowhere.

"Haan, Raj Bajwa," she responded, a crazed look in her eyes. "Manu's son has Bajwa blood in his veins..."

Huh? How could that be? Was Rajji Raj Bajwa's relative? Was she a girl from his clan? Was that why Shah Ji couldn't openly be with her? No, Mummy Ji was talking about Raj Bajwa's blood... maybe more specifically Harjeet Bajwa's blood.

I thought about how Shah Ji was in Delhi for his child's birth. That was where Rajveer—Raj—lived with his mother. Rajji also seemed to be settled there. Was Rajji Raj's sister? It was possible. No one in our village really valued daughters and Harjeet Bajwa was no exception. When he had split up with his first wife, he probably didn't care if she took their daughter with her.

However, they were still Bajwas. Why would Raj's mother allow her daughter to have an affair with the married Shah of the enemy family? It's not like Rajji could hide that from her own mother, especially when she was pregnant...

This didn't even matter anyway. I turned to Mummy Ji who was now staring at the food tray. "Mummy Ji, so what if Raman has Bajwa blood? One's real identity is known by his father's name."

"That's what I'm saying..." she trailed off dazedly. "Raj Bajwa..." I shook my head. What was this obsession with Raj Bajwa?

"Your grandson is Raman Singh Pawaniya, not Raman Bajwa," I stated firmly before pointing at the food. "Now please eat."

After she continued to sit still, I began to feed her like she was either a child or a very old person. At around fifty years old, she was neither. Whatever had happened with Preet had rocked her to the core, somehow unearthing the old skeletons in the cupboard, namely Raman Singh Pawaniya's bloodline.

As I did my duty, another question crossed my mind. What was the connection between Preet and Rajji? Sisters in law? Or something more?


	8. Chapter 8

Wearing a pillow under my sari and being on constant alert to hide the truth was probably just as hard as actually being in the third trimester of pregnancy. My due date was drawing closer and closer but I was struggling to console my eldest child let alone preparing for a second. Mummy Ji was still acting cold towards Raman for his Bajwa blood which was yet another secret that I had to keep.

"Haan, hello?" I answered my phone without even bothering to check the number.

"Hello? Shahni Ji?" a voice I hadn't heard in months spoke from the other end.

"Shah Ji?"

"Mummy isn't answering her phone so I thought I'd tell you. I have a daughter now."

An involuntary smile appeared on my face for two reasons. Number one, I now had a newborn daughter! Number two, Shah Ji was finally going to come back home which meant that he could sort out the mess between his mother and our other child.

"That's great news," I commented, genuinely happy for him. "When are you bringing her home?"

"In two days," he replied, sounding tired.

"Seriously, Preet? In your condition?!" a somewhat familiar voice in the background yelled.

"Uhh, I have to go," Shah Ji blurted out. "Do pass the news on to Mummy."

"Ji, Shah Ji," I responded before he hung up.

Hmm, sounded like Preet was nearing her due date. The two best friends—Shah Ji and Raj Bajwa— seemed to do everything together and having children was apparently no exception to that rule. I quickly set about locating Mummy Ji.

* * *

Two days later, the labour act began exactly the same way it had seven whole years ago. Back then, I had been an unsure eighteen-year-old but now I was a twenty-five-year-old woman. I now had some experience of (faking) childbirth.

For what seemed like hours, I carried on my tirade of ear piercing screams as Mummy Ji and the midwife looked on. Chachi Ji and my newly married Jethani Ji had wanted to get involved but Gunjan Didi had shown up and saved the day. The family were currently sitting outside being entertained and distracted by Gunjan Didi and Babli.

There was a series of knocks on the door which was barely audible over the ungodly noise that I was making.

"Who is it?" Mummy Ji questioned.

"Manu," was the answer. I closed my mouth, catching my breath as the midwife opened the door to let an exhausted Shah Ji in.

The first thing I noticed about my husband who I hadn't seen in six months were the bags under his eyes. He looked at us all before moving one part of his jacket aside to reveal a pink bundle. The midwife hobbled over to Shah Ji and pinched the baby in his arms. The girl began to wail, causing a loud cheer outside.

As the midwife went outside to announce the birth, my husband approached me and carefully placed the blanketed baby in my arms. I shared a tired yet sincere smile with him before kissing the pink baby girl on the forehead.

Here she was, my new daughter. Because she wasn't the heir, there weren't any traditional gunshots fired outside like there had been for Raman's birth but the family, except maybe Chacha Ji, were nevertheless heard celebrating outside.

Mummy Ji didn't share the sentiments though. "You've brought me another Bajwa," she mumbled, an ironic smirk on her face as she looked at her son who, like her, was sitting on a chair next to my bed. "And a girl, at that."

"Why are you complaining, Mummy?" Shah Ji questioned, his eyes flicking towards me for a split second before returning to Mummy Ji. "You have your Shah and your future Shah. What more do you need?"

"Do you call that boy outside your waaris?" She snorted before becoming serious. "There's a name for a child like him and it is 'najais'."

"Mummy!" Shah Ji shouted, shooting up from his seat. "You never had any problem with Raman's legitimacy before! In fact, you were glad of it because—" He suddenly stopped, surreptitiously glancing at me before clearing his throat. "This can be discussed later. I'll present my daughter to everyone outside."

I frowned at the loss of warmth when the unnamed child was removed from my chest but smiled weakly when I saw Shah Ji gazing lovingly at her as he cradled her in his arms.

I wanted to get up and follow him out of the room but I knew that it would be deemed suspicious behaviour from a woman who had just given birth. Mummy Ji remained in my room, pulling the unsoiled 'birth' sheets out from under me and throwing them into a basket along with the pillow I had used as a fake bump.

After a while, Shah Ji returned with our daughter fast asleep in his arms.

"The pagli fell asleep through all that noise," he commented fondly, stroking the baby's cheek. I felt jealous, literally itching to hold my baby again.

"Arrey, Manu, why have you got the child pressed up against your chest?" Mummy Ji questioned from her vigil at my side. "I mean it's not like you're her mother, is it?"

The air in suddenly became so thick with tension that it could probably be sliced through with a knife. Mummy Ji sported a smirk on her face whereas Shah Ji's face was red and his eyes were twitching.

Without a single word, my husband placed our child on my chest before storming out of the room. I watched him go, frowning when Mummy Ji started to whistle. What was wrong between mother and son now?

* * *

Soon after Mehroop's birth, Shah Ji announced that he was throwing a party to match the one that was thrown after Raman's birth. Chacha Ji had scoffed at this, citing that the birth of a daughter was nothing special but Shah Ji had retorted that a daughter was just as capable as a son.

Since the mains and starters had to be made on a larger scale, us women had opted to leave them to the caterers and make desserts because Shah Ji had expressed the desire for at least some of the food to be homemade.

"Devrani Ji, we've run out of rice," my rather overweight Jethani Ji announced, frowning at me. She was still pretty new to the family, only having been married to Jeth Ji for just under two months so she was still settling in.

"I'll go and get some," I offered, wondering what she wanted rice for. A rice based dessert?

Recalling that the sack of rice was kept in the infrequently used storeroom on the second floor, I made my way up the stairs. Since I was heading for the storeroom, I thought to check up on Mehroop. Popping my head into the doorway, I saw that she was fast asleep in the centre of my bed and breathed a sigh of relief. As of late, she was being really fussy over feeding. I couldn't understand why she rejected the same milk I used to provide her big brother back when he was a baby. Shah Ji had told me that we'd take her to the doctors after the party. Satisfied that Mehroop was okay, I headed for the storeroom once more.

Upon getting closer to my destination, I heard muffled laughter coming from the room in question. I shook my head, thinking it was just my imagination when I heard voices conversing. I raised an eyebrow. There was definitely someone—or rather someones—in there but why? The stuff in there was of very little use to anyone who didn't cook on a frequent basis.

Gently pushing the door open, I lightly stepped inside the dingy storeroom. Following the hushed voices and giggles, I walked past the sacks of rice to find two people in the corner of the room, the taller one pressed up against the shorter one who had their back to the wall. Squinting to see if I could identify their figures, the taller one pulled away before capturing his shorter companion's lips in his own.

A cold sweat washed over me as my eyes zoned in on the kalgi and pagdi on the shorter person. I would recognise those items anywhere within a heartbeat. My grip on the thali I was holding slackened and there was a terrible crash as it made contact with the cold hard floor.

The light suddenly turned on and I found myself trembling as Shah Ji and Raj Bajwa stared at me in shock. I couldn't believe my eyes, astonished by what I had just witnessed.

Gunjan Didi had been right. Two men could be physically attracted to each other but she had failed to tell me that her brother—my husband—was one such man.

"Don't you two have any shame?" I rasped as both men exchanged horrified looks. They were both breathing heavily, probably exhausted by whatever activities they had been indulging in before I caught them.

How could they do this? How could Shah Ji cheat on Rajji who had recently given birth to his child? How could Raj cheat on his pregnant wife Preet? How could both of them be in such a relationship despite Rajji being Raj's sister?

"L—look, it's n—not what you're thinking," Raj stammered in protest, creating a gap between himself and my husband.

Shah Ji quickly picked his discarded jacket up from the floor and donned it, avoiding my eyes as he said, "Raj, escape while you still can. Mummy an—"

"Hey, what's going on up there!" Chacha Ji shouted. Raj adjusted his clothes and put on his own jacket before running past me and exiting the storeroom.

"Raj Bajwa!" Mummy Ji yelled, her voice booming throughout the household.

I ran to the open door of the storeroom, my heart still racing as I peered down into the open space lounge area and spotted Raj running out of the house.

"Parjai, what are you talking about?" Chacha Ji demanded, looking around in confusion.

"That man is Raj Bajwa!" Mummy Ji roared before turning to her men, "Go and catch him! I want him dead!" The men instantly grabbed their weapons and left as if they were a pack of trained dogs.

"That Rajveer Singh is Raj Bajwa?!" Chacha Ji exclaimed, turning to look straight up at me. I was terrified at his furious glare before I realised it was directed at Shah Ji who was now standing next to me. "Manu! How dare you harbour a Bajwa?"

Everybody was stunned by the mere thought of Shah Ji letting Raj Bajwa into our house. Just what would be their reaction if they knew what I knew?


	9. Chapter 9

As promised, Shah Ji had taken me to a city doctor so we could find out what was wrong with Mehroop. The journey to and back was just too awkward and I had a hard time looking at my husband without feeling sick. Even his touch which had never affected me before made me feel uneasy.

When we reached home, I went to his room to get Mehroop's bottle which I had accidentally left there. Shah Ji silently followed me and I could feel his eyes burning into my back as I picked Mehroop up from the bed.

"Look, please don't go," he requested softly as I walked past him towards the door.

I stopped in my tracks, wondering if he wanted to explain his love affairs to me. I had no interest in them. Rajji was the one who deserved the explanation, not me.

I looked back at him over my shoulder, turning my nose up in disgust as I said, "Shah Ji, the doctor has told us what's wrong with Mehroop and we've discussed the solution. Why else do I need to stay back in your room?"

"Because I have something to say," he replied, going in front of me and locking the door.

My anxiety levels spiked up as I held Mehroop close. Was Shah Ji getting so sexually frustrated that he was now making an advance on me? I shivered at the thought. He was already in physical relationships with both Raj and Rajji Bajwa and now he wanted me? Disgusting. I never thought this was Shah Ji's true face but then again, I'd never thought I'd catch him in the midst of a sexual act with another man.

I froze as he walked up to me and tried to take Mehroop off me. He tugged at my arms while I resisted, holding my baby close to my heart, before he finally overpowered me. I reluctantly let him take our daughter out of my arms lest she got hurt during our scuffle.

"Have mercy," I said, folding my hands together as he placed Mehroop on his bed. "Your daughter is right here, watching us."

Turning around and approaching me again, he grabbed my hands and pushed them down. I gasped at the action before he told me, "I'm not going to harm you."

"What are you going to do then?" I asked, regarding him in confusion.

"I'm going to help our daughter."

Well, I hadn't expected him to say that. I watched, unblinking, as he sat on the edge of his bed, next to where Mehroop was lying down, and shrugged off his black leather jacket. My eyes almost popped out when he unbuttoned his shirt—a shirt as opposed to the usual kurta—and nestled Mehroop's face into his chest. That was what it looked like from the angle I was standing at.

My stomach twisted and turned and my hands started to feel clammy as I heard the unmistakable sound of Mehroop sucking on what I *thought* was a breast. My world slowly came crashing down as Mummy Ji's taunt to Shah Ji about him not being Mehroop's mother crossed my mind.

No no no no no... it couldn't be. Yet it was. Shah Ji, my husband, was a WOMAN.

"Such a huge betrayal," I forced out, my voice strained like I was being strangled. Mummy Ji, Gunjan Didi and Shah Ji had all betrayed me.

Clutching the display stand behind me for dear life, I fervently wished that this was all just a nightmare. This couldn't be happening. How could Shah Ji be a woman? My heart skipped a beat when I recalled the doctor's advice. He had recommended a different brand of formula milk but had said mother's milk was the best choice. Here Mehroop was, drinking away from her *mother's* breast. I shuddered. Was Shah Ji my husband or my wife?

"I wanted to tell you before," he—she—spoke up, rousing me from my thoughts. I tried to control my shaking body as I looked at him—her—to see that she had buttoned her shirt back up and laid Mehroop back onto the bed.

"D—don't come a—any closer!" I stammered when she tried to approach me. She then put her hands up in surrender.

"This is who I am," she said as she untied her pagdi and threw it on the bed next to Mehroop, her hair falling free around her face and spilling over her shoulders. She then peeled her fake facial hair off, revealing the clean shaven—or rather unshaven—face I had been privy to in the early years of our marriage.

Marriage. Could I even call it that anymore?

"How did you manage to keep all of this up?" I implored, my mouth having long since gone dry. "Where does Rajji come in all of this? And Raj Ji? And Preet?"

"Raj..." she trailed off, a faraway look in her eyes. For the first time in my life, I was witnessing Shah Ji looking like a woman in love. "Raj is Raman and Mehroop's father and I am their mother."

The truth then hit me and I jumped with a start as if somebody had just doused me with a bucket of ice cold water. Raj, Rajji, Manu and Preet. 'Raj Ji' was 'Rajji' and Manu and Preet were clearly derived from Manpreet. How did I forget that Shah Ji's full name was Manpreet Singh Pawaniya? How could I have been so blind?

"How did this all start?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Shah Ji snapped out of her own daze, going on to tell me about how her mother had been forced to raise her as a boy after her beeji had threatened to kill her—the third child of Charan Singh Pawaniya—if she turned out to be a girl.

"And Raj Ji?" I prompted, thinking of the youngest child of Harjeet Bajwa.

Shah Ji smiled somewhat shyly before saying, "I met Raj when we started school together. Sukkhi Veer Ji was two years behind because he was well... you know"—oh yes, I knew alright—"and Raj started late because he was unable to walk as a child. That's how the three of us ended up in the same standard and class even though we were different ages. After a few fights and misunderstandings, Raj and I became best friends despite our family enmity. Everything fell apart when his brother, Raman Veer Ji, and my sister, Simran—Simi—Didi, fell in love. The hatred between our families, as well as Mohini's schemes, won over their love and they both died, along with their unborn child, on their wedding day of all days. Mohini framed me for the murder of Raman Veer Ji after which Raj and his mother left for Delhi."

I nodded, realising that Raman Pawaniya, like Simran Pahuja, had been named after a dead sibling of one of his parents. "Then?"

"Then Raj walked back into my life—without the crutches—and we reconnected as we planned Gunjan Didi's wedding together. Owing to a few circumstances, Raj saw me as Preet a few times and fell in love with her. The heartache started when he found out that I was Preet. He hated me for a while and then when he forgave me, all he wanted was for me to live as Preet. I told him it wasn't possible, to forget that Preet existed, but he wouldn't let me. After Didi's wedding, we kept in contact and Mummy found out that he knew the truth about me. She threatened to kill him and in return for his life, I promised not to see him ever again. When Mummy separated us, I realised that his love for me was no longer one sided but I didn't tell him. I thought I would never see him again after he went back to Delhi. Things took a cruel turn when Mummy called him back to plan my wedding. I told Mummy I couldn't marry a woman but she still forced me to get engaged to you."

"I didn't see Raj Ji at the engagement."

"She fired him after she found out that he loved me and replaced him before anyone noticed. After the engagement, Mummy stabbed me in the back once more when she told me I had to conceive a child by the early months of our marriage or else she'd kill Raj. I was terrified by her order because I was only eighteen and in love with someone I could never be with. She said she didn't care who the father was as long as he didn't try to take the child away from me. Mummy knew that I loved Raj, she knew that I couldn't even think of going to another man but she also knew that I would have to betray him to do what she wanted. After that, I had no choice but to go to Raj. I asked him to marry me because I wanted to experience a real marriage before I was forced to marry you. He agreed and I think he purposely ignored the fact that I'd have to marry you a few months later. Those months I spent married to him were some of the best in my life, though, despite all the sneaking around. Whenever I was with Raj, I was so carried away in my joy that I forgot the depressing reality of my life. By that point, Mummy's order had long since escaped my mind but I became pregnant anyway."

I looked over at Shah Ji in horror, remembering that he—she—had been drunk enough after our wedding to rival even her brother in law, Rohan Bajwa. "You drank on our wedding night."

"I know," she answered meekly, averting her gaze in evident shame. "If I'd known that I was carrying Raj's baby at the time, I wouldn't have touched a single drop of alcohol. When I told Raj that I was pregnant but that I would have to keep our baby away from him, he got angry. He thought that because I never confessed my love to him it meant that our marriage was just a pretext to get pregnant. My fear of love had been so great that I'd been unable to tell him that I was in love with him, even after we consummated our marriage. By that point, it was already too late to tell him how I felt because he wouldn't believe me. However, Raj still loved me and that was why he told me that he and his mother would take care of me in Delhi for the duration of my pregnancy. Having got what she wanted, Mummy was more than happy to let me go to Delhi while you stayed here and pretended to be pregnant. After Raman's birth, Raj and I didn't speak for many years until a chance encounter in Delhi. I was happy to find that he was still single and in love with me so we resumed our relationship. This was a few months before he stayed over at our house. His mother accepted me as her bahu but didn't discover my real identity until after what happened with Mummy at the temple. And you know the rest."

I blinked, trying to process the long story in my head. In the end, it all boiled down to the fact that Shah Ji was a woman. Her love affair/marriage with Raj didn't change things because I had thought she loved someone else anyway; Rajji being Raj Bajwa was inconsequential.

"What now?" I questioned, sitting down on a chair before my legs could give out.

"I don't know," she said quietly, burying her face in her hands.

My mangalsutra suddenly felt heavy and I felt like it was crushing my very soul. "Are we even married?"

Shah Ji sighed, raising her head and clasping her hands together as she made eye contact with me. "Look at it this way. Raj Bajwa is Preet's husband but you are Manu's wife."

So that was it. For me, there truly was no difference between Shah Ji and Preet Bajwa. I would never have a true marriage with Shah Ji no matter what sex he was because we would never be able to consummate it. I was always going to be shackled to this loveless and invalid marriage so why did I suddenly feel so conflicted? If anything, I should've been happy that the reason Shah Ji didn't love me was because he—no, SHE—never could be in love a woman.

"Do you want freedom?"

The question took me by surprise. "Freedom?"

"Yes. I now have my heir, Raman. There's no need for a Shahni anymore. Raman is seven now. He'd be able to cope."

"Cope with what? The truth?"

I hoped not. Telling a seven year old boy that his father was actually his mother, Uncle Raj from the enemy clan was actually his father and that the woman he called mother was actually a stranger would result in a disaster. I was barely coming to terms with the truth and I was twenty five. The mental turmoil and anguish such a revelation would cause to a seven year old was unimaginable.

"No, he'd be able to cope without you," Shah Ji corrected, making me raise my eyebrow. I gave her a questioning stare. "Well, I could help you fake your death and arrange your escape. You could be free."

Free? I had never thought of being free. My whole life, I had been taught that I was to serve my parents before marriage and then my in laws after marriage. There was never anything more to my life than being a mother and a wife.

But freedom? Where would I go after living in Gaguwal for the whole twenty five years of my life? How would I survive in an unknown town or city on my own? Most importantly, could I leave Raman and Mehroop and never look back?

I didn't know.


	10. Chapter 10

"I think you owe me the truth," he said, staring straight into my eyes as if he was searching them for an answer.

As I wiped my stray tears away, I tried to compose myself as I thought of a response. The stress of recent events clouded my mind and I couldn't think straight. I was absolutely speechless by the possibly of the secret I had been hiding for twenty two years being exposed.

My anxiety only increased when the last person I wanted to see right now entered the room.

"Rohit, why are you harrassing my mother?"

"Puttar, go inside," I ordered hoarsely, hoping that for once in his life he would listen to me.

"But I want to stay and talk to Rohit Shah Ji." Ahh, he was still as stubborn as always, just like his parents.

A sudden sense of deja vu hit me as I ordered, "Raman, do as I say!"

"Not this time, Mummy," Raman replied firmly before turning to the other man in the room. "I never disobey my mother but this time, I've got to. Why are you insulting my mother by interrogating her like this? You've no right."

"Raman Veer Ji, you're misunderstanding me," Rohit started, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "I just want to know the truth. I just want to know why Chacha wanted you to light his funeral pyre instead of me..."

My chin wobbled at the mention of the funeral. I sucked in a deep breath which sounded more like a gasp, trying to rein in my tears as Raman and Rohit both looked at me. To say that I felt ridiculous was an understatement. Showing such weakness did not become a Mother Shah, especially not by the standards of my predecessors.

"Raj Chacha was the one who got me my father back," Rohit continued, "He was the one who made me a capable Shah. He never once tried to overthrow me unlike Nihaal Chacha... When he has no sons or brothers, the next person who has the right to light his funeral pyre is his nephew. That's me. But why did he choose you over me and my brothers?"

"He chose me?" Raman asked, his voice full of emotion. I felt pity for my son; if Raj's death had hit me so hard, I couldn't even begin to imagine how lost Raman was feeling right now.

"Haan," Rohit replied, placing a hand on his cousin's shoulder. Of course, they didn't know that they were cousins. "Just before he died, he requested that you light his funeral pyre." Raman didn't respond, standing still as Rohit briefly glanced at me. "I noticed that your father and Chacha had this sort of tension between them. After Uncle Manu passed away, I also noticed how close your mother was to Chacha. Tell me, Veer Ji, is there an unknown relationship between us?"

I lowered my gaze in shock, thoroughly embarrassed at the implications behind the question. The only way Rohit could even think that he was related to Raman was if he thought that I had an affair with his uncle. Oh, how wrong he was.

"There is a relationship between us," my son finally said, scaring the living daylights out of me. Surely, he didn't know the truth? His next words cleared my doubts. "Rohit Shah Ji, we're related through friendship. I can't give you an explanation for the tension between the two of them but Papa and Uncle Raj were the best of friends. They're the reason that the enmity between our clans and families finally came to an end despite what happened fifteen years ago."

"You're right, Veer Ji," Rohit agreed, mustering up a small smile. His uncle's death had taken a huge toll on his appearance; he looked much older than his twenty seven years. "Maybe he wanted you to light his pyre because you're his best friend's son. Will you fulfil Chacha's last wish?"

"I will," Raman answered with a smile, patting his cousin on the back.

After the Shah of the Bajwas left our house, Raman came and sat down next to me on the 'Mother Shah Ji' swing.

"I'm proud of you for fulfilling a dead man's wish," I said, stroking his hair. He managed a small and sad smile as I observed him. At twenty nine years old, Raman Singh Pawaniya was a replica of his biological father. "Especially a Bajwa's," I added.

Raman's smile suddenly faded and he grew tense for a moment. I frowned, trying to figure out what was wrong when he said, "I'm a Bajwa too, though, aren't I?"

My blood ran cold at his words and I dropped my hand from his head, unable to believe his words. Did he know the full truth? Or did he think me so low to have an extra marital affair and pass someone else's children off as my husband's? I didn't know which scenario was worse.

"What are you talking about?" I asked coldly, my voice dangerous enough to match that of my late Mummy Ji's.

"The truth. The truth that my cousin, Rohit, wanted to know," he answered calmly, his eyes glistening with tears. "He's my cousin because he's Rohan Taya Ji's son. Rohan Taya Ji was my uncle because Uncle Raj is—was—my real father. That's right, isn't it?"

I gulped, once again lost for words. Leaving me speechless seemed to be a Bajwa trait. I didn't know what to do. Trying to convince Raman that he was wrong would only backfire on me but how could I disclose the truth? Ever since I stepped into this house as a bahu thirty years ago, I had dedicated myself to protecting the Pawaniya family honour. I couldn't tell Raman the truth about his parentage and the only way I could confirm his paternity would be by telling a terrible lie. A lie that would forever taint me in my son's eyes. However, protecting Shah Ji's honour had to be my priority as his widow.

"How did you find out?" I asked, dreading the impications my question would create.

Raman blinked away tears before resting his head on my shoulder, bringing memories of his childhood to the fore of my mind. My nose tingled, a sure sign that I was going that cry, as I recalled comforting and consoling this very same man many times before back when he was a boy. If only his current problem was as easy to solve as his boyhood ones.

"The signs were always there, even in my childhood," he started, sounding very sombre. "How Papa would keep me at a distance until Uncle Raj walked into my life, how Papa suddenly changed his tune towards after that and how Papa and Uncle Raj made Mehroop tie rakhi to Rohan Taya Ji's sons instead of just me. I used to think the rakhi thing was to show unity between us and the Bajwas but I found it suspicious how Sukkhi Taya Ji's daughters were only made to tie rakhi to me. If unity were the reason, they would've had to tie it to the Bajwas too but Papa and Uncle Raj never suggested such a thing. Then there were other things like how close you were to Uncle Raj, even after Papa's death. Most importantly, I caught every single secret look between you, Uncle Raj and Papa."

I bit my lip, troubled by how badly Raman had misinterpreted all of these signs, especially my meetings with Raj. After Shah Ji's death, he didn't have many excuses to come and see the children so I regularly met up with him and updated him on their lives. He had been especially worried about Mehroop since she was only seven when that cursed Nihaal Bajwa had put an end to Shah Ji's relatively short life. I would've never imagined that doing my duty as a mother and a friend would result in my son thinking I had an affair.

"I knew for sure when I started looking for a bride last year. I approached Uncle Raj and expressed my desire to marry a girl from his clan." My face went pale. Raman couldn't marry into his own father's clan! "I thought it would reassure our clans that we were one, especially since many Pawaniyas were still wary of the Bajwas because their former Shah killed Papa. Uncle Raj had outright opposed my choice, blurting out that two people from the same clan couldn't marry. After that, I suddenly recalled Beeji's comment about me being a Bajwa. Just as everything started to fall into place, Uncle Raj tried to amend his words but the damage was already done. When I asked him if one of the girls from my family could marry a Bajwa, not necessarily his nephews but any Bajwa, he said only Sukkhi Taya Ji's daughters." He removed his head from my shoulder, proceeding to look at me. "Everything became clear after that, Mummy. I know it's embarrassing for you to admit it but I'm a Bajwa, aren't I? I'm not even a Pawaniya but I am their Shah. I wonder how our clan would react if they knew their Shah was actually a Bajwa, the nephew of the man who killed their former Shah."

I bristled at the thought of Raman being related to Shah Ji's murderer. "Nihaal Bajwa wasn't a real Bajwa, Raman."

"The same way I'm not a real Pawaniya, Mummy. Nihaal Bajwa was Harjeet Darji's stepson and I am Papa's stepson. Isn't that right?"

Tears of frustration threatened to spill over as I racked my brains for an answer. How could I say he was wrong when he was half right? Raj Bajwa was indeed his father but I was the stepparent, not Shah Ji.

"What does it matter?" I bitterly forced out. "We'll marry you to a girl with Pawaniya blood. Maybe the daughter of a Pawaniya born woman. Then your children would have Pawaniya blood."

"I am still a Bajwa, though. Everyone gets an identity from their father's name."

I had said similar words myself much long ago. These words were now coming back to haunt me.

"Enough. You were raised as a Pawaniya and therefore you are one. I don't want to hear anything else," I cut in firmly as he looked worried, no doubt thinking about problems that would arise as a result of his true paternity. "Arrey, I will make sure you and Mehroop don't marry someone from the Bajwa clan. Don't worry."

* * *

After the serious talk with Raman, I went to seek Mehroop out. I found her in her room, silently crying with my nieces—Jeth Ji's daughters—and considered how to console her.

"Deena, Sudha, I just want a word alone with Mehroop," I spoke up, leaning against the door frame.

"Ji, Chachi Ji," Deena said, wiping at her eyes and leading her sister out of the room.

Closing the door behind me, I thought about how to console my daughter as I made my way to her bed and sat down. As Mehroop sobbed with her head in her hands, I gently touched her arm to signal that I was there, noting her white clothing.

"Mummy..." she cried, resting her head on my lap.

The poor girl was devestated at her father's death and had even gone as far as wearing white to mourn him. I wondered what our clan would make of this; our Shah was lighting the funeral pyre for the brother of his father's murderer and his sister was officially mourning him.

Ever since that fateful day when Shah Ji was shot in the heart, the Pawaniyas began regarding Bajwas with animosity once more. One act of the Shah of the Bajwas at the time had undone the seven years of effort Raj and Shah Ji had put into repairing the relationship between the two clans. From then on, Raj began to pass this responsibility on to his nephews and (secret) children which resulted in them becoming as close as cousins really were.

A choked sob roused me out of my thoughts, making me look down at my distraught daughter. "Calm down," I soothed, stroking the silky hair she obviously inherited from Shah Ji.

"After Papa died, Uncle Raj was like my second father," she stated through tears. "Only fifteen years later, God snatched my father from me again."

"God has his ways. Your father lost his father before he was even born. You got to experience the love of two fathers." One of whom was actually her mother... "Don't cry."

"Mummy, you cried more at Papa's death than anyone else, even me," she pointed out. "So I think I have the right to cry now."

I scowled. Who did she get that sharp tongue from? She was right though. I had cried a river at Shah Ji's funeral like any real widow did but not for the reasons everyone assumed. I was crying for the loss of a friend which is what we became after I found out she was a woman. She no longer had to push me away after her reveal and I had even helped her meet up with her real spouse in secret. The huge shock had come when I opted to prepare her body for the funeral and noticed a small bump on her abdomen. A baby bump. I assumed that Raj didn't know about this new baby, a surprise seven years after Mehroop's birth, and added it my list of secrets that I kept to protect the Pawaniya honour as well as Raj's heart, in that case.

My chin wobbled at the thought of that lost baby. He/she would've been almost fifteen by now if his/her wretched uncle hadn't pulled the trigger.

"It's okay," I whispered as Mehroop continued to cry, attempting to soothe her to sleep like I used to when she was a baby.

I couldn't dwell on the past. Two out of three of my children were still alive and I had to be strong for them. I was now the last living person on earth who knew about Shah Ji's secret and the true parentage of my children, and I would protect this secret with my life. This was the path I had chosen for myself twenty two years ago and I, mother of the current Shah of the Pawaniyas, would follow it until my death for it was my kismet.


End file.
